Everyday.
Life is beautiful and overflowing with blessings and mercies, e v e r y s i n g l e d a y .
Sometimes I fool myself into thinking I have a right to be depressed or anxious.
Truth is, I don't.
And I'm being lied to, because the only person in the world who says it is acceptable to forget why I'm really here on this earth, that I am overwhelmingly blessed, and relentlessly Loved, is the person who created those lies in the first place, and he doesn't belong in my head.
Actually, he's already been conquered, crushed, and is just waiting to be imprisoned forever.
He has no power!! Only the power I give him over me. Only the listening ear I lend.
I love the lyrics to this song:
There'll be days I lose the battle,
Grace says that it doesn't matter
'Cause the Cross already won the war...
...I hear a voice and He calls me redeemed
When others say I'll ever be enough.
And Greater is the One living inside of me
Than he who is living in the world.
The One who DOES hold power has already won every single inch of the War in this world, and He has promised so, so, so many times that nothing will separate me from Him. He loves me beyond reason, and He will never fail to pick me up and receive me again when I fall.
That makes me want to cry.
I am becoming so aware of the need for positivity and optimism to saturate my daily attitude.
Sometimes I find myself a little reluctant to say the happy, positive thing in the face of a situation, because I wonder if I must look like an idiot to those observing. And who wants to look like that.
But you don't have to be naive to be optimistic.
I'll say that again: Being positive and optimistic does not make you naive.
And don't worry about how people will see you. Don't be vain and worry about your image. Have faith! Be positive! Because it is Right, no matter how foolish it looks to the world.
Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable- if anything is excellent or praiseworthy- think about such things.
Nothing there includes unforgiveness, or fear, or anxiety! Paul encourages us not to even let that stuff dwell in our minds. Certainly, it comes into our lives. But I think we are supposed to pray about how to deal with it, act in a godly way, and then put it behind us. Let what you meditate on be pure.
Bitterness, I want to avoid you with every fiber of my being my entire life! God, protect me.
Some days I go through Pinterest looking for quotes and verses to write on my bedroom wall. And then later I feel a little bit of guilt and go back to remove some, because I know I did something wrong: see, sometimes you post something that seems like a sensible quote, but you know in your own heart that you pinned it with an underlying meaning in your mind.
For example, if the quote is "If you didn't see it with your own eyes or hear it with your own ears, don't invent it with your small mind and spread it with your big mouth." That's sound advice... But I have to be honest with myself that I read it and pinned it with a twinge of anger at someone I might feel did such a thing.
And is it passing wisdom on to me when I read it? No, it's reminding me of that angry thought. It's defeating the purpose it was intended for. Delete it and make better choices. Store up things that are positive and healthy and inspiring.
It's just that there is a constant war going on in my head, a war for my heart.
Who will I give in to? Whose banner do I fly? Which troops am I supporting daily? Am I a spectator, watching and feeling the fight inside... and though I know Who is victorious, tending to focus more on the enemy with a dismal admiration at how well he seems to be doing in pulling down everything around me that is good?
Wake up, Girl! Remember, that War is already won! The Lord won it. And when I feel like the war is going on inside me again, it isn't because God let go of me- it's because I let something ungodly in. The Holy Spirit is fighting it, and I have control over the battle. It's my play now, and if I know He won, I should act like it.
The enemy's greatest power over me sometimes is preying on my forgetfulness:
If I close my eyes and think that I'm blind, and go about with them closed the rest of my life, then I may not really be blind, but I am living like I am, and I'm no better off than if I really were.
If we forget God is bigger than anything, and treat everything like it is bigger than God, then we will live with the same misery and hopelessness that would abound if that were true.
We get to choose. I get to choose.
Yes, and when I wake up, every morning I need to prepare my mind and heart with the armor of God in the quiet and stillness. These hours are for me to rise, rejoice, and feed that hungry soul with truth and peace. Focusing on building that pure heart and renewing that right mind within me under His careful hand, and thus starving those seeds of harm.
I'm turning eighteen years old in four days.
All of a sudden.
And I remember looking toward that day "only twenty-two more months to go..." like it was last week, and now it has just gotten here, oh so swiftly.
I haven't been wishing time away- I never wanted to live the months like that- I wanted to learn and prepare for what life was bringing. And it has paid off every single day. Even when I didn't have the right perspective one day to notice, it was still paying off with blessing after blessing and new knowledge learned and new experiences grasped.
How beautiful it is that even the seemingly worst circumstances have proven to be the biggest opportunities to grow.
I wasn't ready for this twenty-two months ago.
I wasn't ready for this four months ago.
I think am ready now.
I certainly don't feel like it some days, but I'll take it as it comes, and not fight that Bigger plan. He knows better than I do.
My life is about to be filled with more responsibility and more opportunity than I ever dreamed possible. This year is going to be crazy.
From getting my drivers' licence, to graduating, to figuring out my plan about college, to finding employment... to taking my best friend's hand and starting the steps on a precious and purposeful new adventure... this whole journey is one I want to Live.
With gratitude,
With enthusiasm,
With humility,
With wholeness,
With patience,
With peace,
With grace.
I want to Live life to the fullest, and I mean God's fullest. He makes each of us with so much potential to be His messengers, to be His light. And I don't want to stand in the way of that! I want to be surrendered and malleable, I want no dark roots of anything ungodly keeping Him from any corner of my heart.
And the days where I feel like a miserable failure, I need to remember that He doesn't see that when He looks at me.
I mustn't believe the lie.
There is so much growth for me to go through as a daughter of Christ. I want to seize His hands with both of mine and get started- again! Sometimes I have to start all over with the very basics, just because it is ridiculous how easy it is to forget something so obvious and let doubt worm its way in.
Oh... how did I forget that I'm not supposed to be afraid? He says 365 times in the Bible not to be...
Sigh... human. Delightfully human, and lost without Him.
Life is an ocean with endless waves of good and bad, and I need to learn to view it all with His eyes and act as Christ would. Walk on the water, keep my eyes above the waves.
My God says that I am made whole. So I will banish all thoughts of brokenness.
My God says that I am forgiven. So I will put to death all feelings of self-degradation.
My God holds out a hand to hold, arms to fall into, and speaks words for me to heed and have carved on my heart.
I am given all I need, every day, beyond measure.
Bless the Lord, O my soul!
I am learning to run freely,
Understand just how He sees me,
And it makes me love Him more and more.
-- Greater by MercyMe
